what then?

if not this, then what?

do you think it's worth it.  just look me in the eyes and tell me you think it's worth it: to kick someone out on the street so they can get kidnapped.

i try not to sigh.  her need is so great and the question is impossible to answer because it is. . .a pretzel question.  the kind that loop you around and around until you can't remember where you started.

i want, suddenly, to hold her hand.  to just sit there with that small touch.  is her hand impossibly warm?  is it clammy and cold?  or tepid?  limp?  fierce?  bony?

still the words and the tears spill on.  still the people move around us.  still my throat closes around all the other questions spinning in my head:

if not this, what then?